When I was a
child my family were so poor that the only thing I got
on my birthday was a year older.
It's my wife's
birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she
wanted as a present.
"Oh, I don't know," she said. "Just
give me something with diamonds."
That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.
Q: What song
should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday?
A: "Happy Birthday To Gnu!"
get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."
Next time, take off the candles."
Q: Why do we put
candles on top of a birthday cake?
A: Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Q: What did the
birthday balloon say to the pin?
A: "Hi, Buster."
Q: What did one
candle say to the other?
A: "Don't birthdays burn you up?"
Q: Where do you
find a birthday present for a cat?
A: In a cat-alogue!
Q: Why was the
birthday cake as hard as a rock?
A: Because it was marble cake!
Q: How can you
tell that you're getting old?
A: You go to an antique auction and three people bid
Q: What has
wings, a long tail, and wears a bow?
A: A birthday pheasant!
Man 1: "I
got my wife a VCP for her birthday."
Man 2: "Don't you mean a VCR?"
Man 1: "No, a VCP ... Very Cheap Present!"
Q: What party
game do rabbits like to play?
A: Musical Hares.
Do you think my
skin is starting to show its age?"
"I can't tell. There are too many wrinkles."
a 'surprised' birthday party for you."
"A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's
"That's where I invite a bunch of your friends,
and if any of them come, I'll be surprised!"
Q: What does the
hungry monster get after he's eaten too much ice
A: More ice cream!
famous men born on your birthday?"
"No, only little babies."