When I was a child my family were so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.
 

It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.
"Oh, I don't know," she said. "Just give me something with diamonds."
That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.
 

Q: What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday?
A: "Happy Birthday To Gnu!"
 

"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."
Next time, take off the candles."
 

Q: Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake?
A: Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
 

Q: What did the birthday balloon say to the pin?
A: "Hi, Buster."
 

Q: What did one candle say to the other?
A: "Don't birthdays burn you up?"
 

Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat?
A: In a cat-alogue!
 

Q: Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
A: Because it was marble cake!
 

Q: How can you tell that you're getting old?
A: You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
 

Q: What has wings, a long tail, and wears a bow?
A: A birthday pheasant!
 

Man 1: "I got my wife a VCP for her birthday."
Man 2: "Don't you mean a VCR?"
Man 1: "No, a VCP ... Very Cheap Present!"
 

Q: What party game do rabbits like to play?
A: Musical Hares.
 

Do you think my skin is starting to show its age?"
"I can't tell. There are too many wrinkles."
 

"I'm giving a 'surprised' birthday party for you."
"A 'surprised'. birthday party? What's that?"
"That's where I invite a bunch of your friends, and if any of them come, I'll be surprised!"
 

Q: What does the hungry monster get after he's eaten too much ice cream?
A: More ice cream!
 

"Were any famous men born on your birthday?"
"No, only little babies."